Abubakar (ra) didn't react the same way that Umar (ra) reacted to the death of ar-Rasul ﷺ. It's not because Abubakar’s (ra) love for ar-Rasul ﷺ was weaker than Umar’s (ra) love for ar-Rasul ﷺ. It's because Abubakar's (ra) piety was stronger.
— lesson from “The Jihad of Emotions” by Shaykh Muhammad El-Shinawy.
The same teaching is echoed in the last chapter of Ibn Taymiyyah's (rh) “Spiritual Diseases of the Heart and Its Cure.”
The more were are connected to Allah, the less our hearts would be pivotal-ly affected by what Allah gives us or takes away from us. So, are we “highly-sensitive” that we are significantly moved by things or are we just lacking in Taqwa?
Imam Ahmad (rh) has a similar statement and Ibn Qayyim (rh) narrated it is his book on patience and gratitude. It goes along the lines of “whoever doesn't fear Allah would fear the creation.”
The less connected to Allah a person is, the more their heart is swayed by the creation. One is reminded of the verse in Surah az-Zumar.
Az-Zumar 39:29
ضَرَبَ ٱللَّهُ مَثَلًا رَّجُلًا فِيهِ شُرَكَآءُ مُتَشَٰكِسُونَ وَرَجُلًا سَلَمًا لِّرَجُلٍ هَلْ يَسْتَوِيَانِ مَثَلًاۚ ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِۚ بَلْ أَكْثَرُهُمْ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
Allāh presents an example: a man [i.e., slave] owned by quarreling partners and another belonging exclusively to one man - are they equal in comparison? Praise be to Allāh! But most of them do not know.
"The people of piety are those who align their emotions with the Deen"
-- Shaykh Muhammad El-Shinawy.
عَنْ أَبِي مُحَمَّدٍ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرِو بْنِ الْعَاصِ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه و سلم "لَا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يَكُونَ هَوَاهُ تَبَعًا لِمَا جِئْتُ بِهِ". حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ، رَوَيْنَاهُ فِي كِتَابِ "الْحُجَّةِ" بِإِسْنَادٍ صَحِيحٍ.
On the authority of Abu Muhammad Abdullah bin ’Amr bin al-’Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “None of you [truly] believes until his desires are subservient to that which I have brought.”
[Imam an-Nawawi says: ] We have related it in Kitab al-Hujjah with a saheeh chain of narrators.
Hadith 41, 40 Hadith an-Nawawi
"Don't get so emotional wack that you violate the rights of others"
- Popular saying.
After things don't work out with people -- business, marital proposals, friendships, work, marriage itself, etc -- does our grief and pain lead us to violate the rights of others?
Al-Furqan 25:20
وَمَآ أَرۡسَلۡنَا قَبۡلَكَ مِنَ ٱلۡمُرۡسَلِينَ إِلَّآ إِنَّهُمۡ لَيَأۡكُلُونَ ٱلطَّعَامَ وَيَمۡشُونَ فِى ٱلۡأَسۡوَاقِۗ وَجَعَلۡنَا بَعۡضَكُمۡ لِبَعۡضٍ فِتۡنَةً أَتَصۡبِرُونَۗ وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ بَصِيرًا
And We did not send before you, [O Muḥammad], any of the messengers except that they ate food and walked in the markets. And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others - will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.
As much as people are gifted to us by Allah, they are also a source of tests. The wise person would rather stay (relatively and shariah-compliantly) silent about a person who's hurt them than violate the rights of said person. "Shariah-compliantly" means that there are places where the shari'ah ruling on speaking about people negatively or taking something that's their right is either compulsory or necessary. Imam an-Nawawi (rh) mentioned a few of this categories Riyad as-Saliheen and there were mentioned in the translated book "Difference between Advising and Shaming."
"We don't come from a stoic tradition that requires us to turn of our emotions....Human emotion is a great asset, a great tool. And it's a great blessing of Allah (AZWJ)."
حَدَّثَنَا الْحَسَنُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْعَزِيزِ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ حَسَّانَ، حَدَّثَنَا قُرَيْشٌ ـ هُوَ ابْنُ حَيَّانَ ـ عَنْ ثَابِتٍ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ دَخَلْنَا مَعَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَلَى أَبِي سَيْفٍ الْقَيْنِ ـ وَكَانَ ظِئْرًا لإِبْرَاهِيمَ ـ عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ ـ فَأَخَذَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِبْرَاهِيمَ فَقَبَّلَهُ وَشَمَّهُ، ثُمَّ دَخَلْنَا عَلَيْهِ بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ، وَإِبْرَاهِيمُ يَجُودُ بِنَفْسِهِ، فَجَعَلَتْ عَيْنَا رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم تَذْرِفَانِ. فَقَالَ لَهُ عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ عَوْفٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ وَأَنْتَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَقَالَ " يَا ابْنَ عَوْفٍ إِنَّهَا رَحْمَةٌ ". ثُمَّ أَتْبَعَهَا بِأُخْرَى فَقَالَ صلى الله عليه وسلم " إِنَّ الْعَيْنَ تَدْمَعُ، وَالْقَلْبَ يَحْزَنُ، وَلاَ نَقُولُ إِلاَّ مَا يَرْضَى رَبُّنَا، وَإِنَّا بِفِرَاقِكَ يَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ لَمَحْزُونُونَ ". رَوَاهُ مُوسَى عَنْ سُلَيْمَانَ بْنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ عَنْ ثَابِتٍ عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم.
Narrated Anas bin Malik: We went with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation."
Sahih al-Bukhari 1303
"How do you make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions?"
"How can we refine our emotions in the Prophetic way? How do we make sure that we retain our emotions -- this beautiful component of human beings that Allah gave us -- while not getting burned by it when it flares?"
"......[doing things] against your comfort could be what makes all the difference [on the day of judgement]..."
An-Nahl 16:127
وَٱصۡبِرۡ وَمَا صَبۡرُكَ إِلَّا بِٱللَّهِۚ وَلَا تَحۡزَنۡ عَلَيۡهِمۡ وَلَا تَكُ فِى ضَيۡقٍ مِّمَّا يَمۡكُرُونَ
And be patient, [O Muḥammad], and your patience is not but through Allāh. And do not grieve over them and do not be in distress over what they conspire.
The Original Video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_imi1XICqKc
Newsletter on Managing Emotions: https://umarhfe.substack.com/p/organizing-chaotic-emotions.
Extra:
In these trying times, may Allah protect our brothers and sister in Palestine, Arewa, and all Muslim lands from the oppression of their oppressors. May Allah grant us patience and aid us in managing our responses to these events.
Many have said that we are already experiencing the end of times. The signs are there to see. The wise person gives more priority to their success in the next world. Baby steps won't cut it when we should take a flight. The path to Allah starts with sincerely turning back to Him. And mass killings and the death of loved ones are sufficient as reminders.
May Allah grant us aafiyah, aameen. May Allah grant us goodness, forgiveness, and patience. Whatever is correct is from Allah, and Allah make us better people, aameen.